All in that one awful day in November—the prenatal diagnosis day—we received the full scope of the hopeless diagnosis followed by not one, but two doctors’ suggestion that we abort our baby boy. One of those doctors was the head of the clinic. They suggested it even though they knew the risk of losing our baby girl. Not that we would consider aborting our baby one way or the other. Both times that day we said, “No. We stand for life and we'll fight for our baby.”
If you thought that would be the end of it, you'd be wrong. They suggested with callous indifference that we abort our son two or three more times, and then after our persistent refusals, they offered us what they considered the next best option—palliation (i.e. letting him die at birth without treatment). Once again, we had to stand our ground and insist that they offer him treatment and do their best to save his life. With reluctance, they finally agreed.
The first battle for our son’s life had been won—he would be given a fighting chance of survival.
We chose the name Nathaniel for our son. Gift of God. A declaration of his innate value and blessing to our family, no matter the state of his physical health.
We learned one day in the new year while talking again with the head doctor of the maternal fetal medicine clinic that her son's name was also Nathaniel. Gift of God.
Two boys. Two gifts from God. But only one deemed a gift in the eye's of one doctor.
I hold no grudge against her. She was kind and she wasn't pushy, but she was mistaken.
If I could see her today, I would tell her in all kindness, “Look at my Nathaniel! Isn't he a good looking, smart kid? Do you remember you didn't think he would survive and you thought we should abort him? Guess what—I’m so happy to tell you that you were wrong. He's alive! And not only that, but he's thriving! He hasn't struggled with any of the things you said he would. Because a prenatal diagnosis can't determine postnatal functioning, especially when you have God on your side. God worked a miracle in his life and saved him!
“I know you thought that aborting him was the merciful, compassionate thing to do, but you've got to know that it's not. Killing him would have been horrific! I never would have been able to meet him, to love him, to hold him in my arms. True compassion isn't killing someone with special needs, it's lovingly and patiently meeting those needs.
“Even if Nathaniel hadn't survived, meeting him, loving him, holding him would have been worth everything! I would have grieved, yes, but I would grieve knowing that I had given him my best, and I would be grateful for the time that I had had with him. Abortion would have left nothing but a gaping hole in my heart.
“Do you think you could you do me a favor going forward? Could you offer parents hope? Could you offer their child treatment? Could you connect them with supports? Could you connect them with someone who's gone through the same thing and made it out on the other side? Could you support life?
“I'm so thankful that both our Nathaniels are alive today. Just think of how many more could be with us if we trusted the Lord with their lives! Please, help these mothers AND their babies. Every child is a gift of God.”
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Stay tuned for my next blog as I continue contemplating my prenatal diagnosis. Or better yet, subscribe so you never miss out.
Have a comment? Would like some prayer? Please reach out—I'd love to hear from you!
Warmly,
Christin
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