A Twin Pregnancy Part 4: Birth and Beyond

The doctors pressured us to abort our son with callous indifference two or three more times, but after our persistent refusals, they offered us what they considered the next best option—palliation, or letting him die at birth without treatment. Once again, we had to stand our ground and insist that they do their best to save our child’s life. Finally, they reluctantly agreed. The first battle for our son’s life had been won—he would be given a fighting chance of survival.

The NICU team began to make preparations for his birth and my doctors scheduled the date for my induction: Monday, March 20 at exactly 38 weeks, no more, no less.

The induction and natural delivery of the babies went exactly as planned, complication-free. Nathaniel was immediately intubated after birth and was then outfitted with a total of nine different lines and tubes, a process which took upwards of an hour. And so began our son’s struggle for survival outside of the womb, the beginning of the second battle for his life.

Over the course of the next 10 weeks, God worked miracle after miracle through the prayers of hundreds of believers, as Nathaniel went from total dependence upon breathing machines and IV lines for sustenance, to breathing completely on his own and bottle feeding. Praise the Lord! Against all odds, Nathaniel came home to us, never again requiring any breathing support and growing steadily until he caught up with Emma in weight and gross motor development by 14 months of age. We have never stopped nor will we ever stop giving all the glory and praise to God for saving our precious son.

But this is not the end of my story. I wish it was. I wish I could tell you that after Nathaniel was discharged, we rode off into the sunset, free of worry, hardship and pain forevermore. But that was not the case. As life carried on, the hard times did too, one after the other with a suffocating rapidity that left me gasping for air wondering how I could ever survive. Exhaustion, anxiety, cancer, fear, rejection, despair, trauma, loneliness, turmoil—four years of barely keeping my head above the water.

I feel the Lord leading me to begin writing about this difficult season of my life in my blog. Over the next weeks and months, I want to ponder these questions as they pertain to my story: Is there hope when all hope seems lost? And, is God with me in the hard times? I ask these questions not as an expert of theology or psychology or medicine, but as someone who has lived through times such as these, someone who loves her Father in heaven and knows that He loves her with an everlasting love despite times such as these.

Today Nathaniel and Emma are six years old, and though I continue on a journey of healing, the Lord has been faithful to me. He has brought me through the stormy waters and He did not let me drown. So, I encourage you to follow along as I share the next chapter of my story. My prayer is that you, like I, will find hope, healing and encouragement in Jesus.

Psalm 126:

When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

Restore our fortunes, O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.